Team 7’s that never were
by Tornado Ninja Fan
Summary: Do you ever wonder about the teams that Kakashi failed? No? You’re normal, then. Still, one can speculate… X-overs: Harry Potter, Star Wars, Evangelion, Ranma, Death Note, Bleach, Hitchhiker's Guide, Red Dwarf, Marvel, DC, others.


Team 7's that never were.

Do you ever wonder about the teams that Kakashi failed? No? You're normal, then. Still, one can speculate…

Or create some spamfics.

**Disclaimer:** All characters are copyright and/or trademark their respective owner(s). This was just written as a joke.

"Well, let's begin with introducing yourselves." Kakashi looked at the newly appointed genin. "How about your likes, dislikes, hobbies, your dreams for the future and things like that."

* * *

"My name is Harry Potter and I dislike people who use kids that were put in their care as free servants. I like my friends and my hobby is playing Ninja Quidditch. My dream for the future is to never hear prophecies again."

The girl of the team looked up from a scroll she was reading. "My name is Hermione Granger and I like studying, learning and reading. I dislike people who use their summons for menial work. My hobby is finding rare scrolls. And my dream for the future is to know everything about the ninja arts."

"My name is Ron Weasley. I like my partner Scabbers," he patted the rat sitting on his shoulder, "and I dislike people who think rats are bad ninja animals. My hobby is playing Ninja Chess and my dream for the future is that the Weasley clan becomes one of the prominent families of Konoha like the Hyuuga."

Kakashi was pleased and thought: "Not bad for a group. The boys will just have to get their teammate's head out of her scrolls and they will pass."

* * *

"My name is Luke Skywalker. I like traveling to new and exotic places and I dislike people who think I am too short for a ninja. My dream for the future is to prove that kids from farmer families can become great ninjas and my hobby is genealogy."

"I am Leia-hime of clan Organa. I like the lessons I learned from the espionage courses and I dislike being seen as a damsel to be protected during missions. My hobby is to find weaknesses in ultimate ninja techniques and my dream for the future is using my skills in a way that will benefit all of Konoha."

"My name is Han Solo and I like that I am a grown-up in the eyes of the law and can drink in bars now, my friend Chouie, and everything they taught us in smuggling class."

"Object concealment class." Leia interjected.

Han grinned and continued. "I dislike people who think that good ninjas should never strike first. My hobby is to get interesting objects for my 'friends' and my dream for the future is to become stinking rich."

"A farmer, a princess and a budding smuggler." Kakashi wondered. "Is that what they mean when they say they create well-rounded teams?"

* * *

"My name is Shinji Ikari. I like listening to music and I dislike being alone. My hobby is playing cello and my dream for the future is… I don't know."

"My name is Asuka Langley Soryu! I like being the best and I dislike Wondergirl over there. My hobby is being the best and my dream for the future is staying the best!"

"My name is Rei Ayanami."

"And…?" Kakashi prompted.

" I have neither likes nor dislikes. I have no hobbies or dreams for the future, either."

"Great." Kakashi thought sarcastically. "One with too much ambition and two without any. Maybe she can get them to move, but she doesn't seem the type to ask for help."

* * *

"My name is Ranma Saotome. I like good food and I dislike violent tomboys." He said glancing to the girl at his left. "My hobbies are looking for free food and reading manga. My dream is to be the greatest taijutsu master ever!"

"My name is Akane Tendo and I dislike perverted boys." She said angrily looking straight to the boy to her right. "I like cute animals and my hobbies are acting and watching horror movies. My dream is to prove that kunoichi are as good as shinobi!"

"My name is Ryoga Hibiki and **I** am going to be the greatest taijutsu master ever!"

"Yeah, right." Interrupted Ranma. "By the way, how did you find your way to the roof so quickly? Did you leave a trail of breadcrumbs, P-chan?"

"Don't call me that! And I followed Akane-san."

"Ah, you looked for her behind. It's hard to miss, I guess."

Behind his cool exterior Kakashi was shocked. "Who put those three together? They will fight among each other as soon as I explain the test. Maybe even sooner…" He sweat-dropped as the prospective genin began a three-sided brawl.

* * *

"My name is Light Yagami. I like to confuse my opponents without using genjutsu and I dislike losing. My hobby is to stay informed of the criminals of the world so I can take care of them should I meet them. My dream for the future is to see a world without criminals."

"My name is Misa Amane, but my stage name is Misamisa! I like Light and I dislike girls that want to take my Light from me. My hobbies are acting, dancing and singing and my dream for the future is to help Light."

"My name is… Call me L. I like sweets and I dislike criminals. My hobby is designing traps and my dream for the future is to create an organization that will fight criminals independantly of political machinations."

"Well, the boys seem to be smart enough to figure out the bell test." Kakashi thought. "Unless they become too competitive..."

* * *

"My name is Ichigo Kurosaki and I dislike people who think our clan is crazy because of our ghost-seeing-eye technique. I like being left in peace and my hobby is sending ghosts to their afterlife. Because they get really annoying after a while. My dream is to become a great kenjutsu master."

"My name is Ishida Uryu. I like good-looking clothes and I dislike people who think that bows aren't ninja weapons. My hobby is sewing and my dream for the future is to punish those who destroyed my extended clan."

"My name is Orihime Inoue. I like Tatsuki, and Chad, and Rukia, and Ichigo, and Keigo, and Mizuiro, and Kon. My hobby is cooking and creating tasty new recipes like fish with caramel sauce and onions and mushrooms and when I bought them at the market I met Chad and he had this nice little bird and then we met Rukia and she opened that really big gate…"

Kakashi just stared as the girl continued her rambling. "I thought she was the best kunoichi of the year! Did she eat some bad mushrooms or something? And why don't the boys react? Is this her normal behaviour?"

* * *

"My name is Arthur Dent and I like tea. I dislike Thursdays. I could never get the hang of them."

Kakashi thought: "Well, that explains the pyjamas and the bathrobe."

Arthur continued: "My hobby is flying and my dream for the future is to never hear the word bypass again"

"You can call me Ford Prefect. I like traveling and the fact that ninjas have an expense account. I dislike staying in boring places and my hobby is looking for interesting things and writing about them. My dream for the future is to go on a all expenses paid world tour."

"My name is Zaphod Beeblebrox. I like exciting new things and being excited by new things, especially female things. I dislike following the voices in my head, especially when they are my own. My hobby is creating newer and better drinks and my dream for the future is to become Hokage and abolish the ban on alcohol for Ninjas during missions!"

Kakashi closed his eyes and thought. "He has got my vote. I need a drink just from listening to these three."

Then Kakashi addressed the figure in grey on the other end of the roof that he had noticed when he came here. "Who are you and what are you doing here?"

"My name is Marvin."

"And?"

"I am very depressed."

Kakashi just groaned.

* * *

"My name is Dave Lister! I like vindaloos and I dislike smegheads like Listy over there. My hobby is to rock out with my axe!" He played air guitar and the other two genin shuddered. "And my dream for the future is to buy a farm in Beach Country and open a takoyaki and dango diner!"

"Aaaaow! I am the Cat! I like the ladies and the ladies like me! I dislike wearing the same clothes two days in a row. That's totally uncool, man, and the Cat is cool with extra coo. My hobby is dancing and my dream for the future is to stay irresistible to the ladies!"

The third one gave an elaborate – very elaborate – salute and shouted: "My name is Arnold J. Rimmer, sir! I like following orders and I dislike people without ambition, sir! Except for you, of course, sir! My hobbies are collecting photos of twentieth century telegraph poles and Morris dancing, sir! My dream for the future is to advance in my career, sir!"

Kakashi sighed. "Tomorrow is going to be a long looong day."

* * *

"My name is Peter Parker and I like the tree-climbing technique. I dislike being broke and my hobby is exploring the village and helping people. My dream for the future is to… well, to continue doing what I am doing now."

The second genin played with some flat senbon between his fingers. "My name is Logan. I like brawling, fighting and sometimes sparring. I dislike genjutsu that play with my memories and my hobby is hunting without killing. My dream for the future is to become the best there is at what I do. And what I'll do won't be very nice."

"My name is Jennifer Walters. I like my cousin Bruce and I dislike colors that clash with green. My hobby is studying Ninja Law and my dream for the future is to never see the fourth wall again." She looked angrily ahead, clearly not at Kakashi. "Got that, writer?"

"Why do I always get the weird ones?" Kakashi wondered silently.

* * *

"My name is Tony Stark. I like creating new Ninja tools and flirting and I dislike people who copy my tools without asking. My dream for the future is to create the ultimate Ninja tool."

"My name is Wanda Maximoff. I like my brother and my boyfriend the Vision and I dislike it when my jutsus go wrong. My hobby is to experiment with jutsus and my dream for the future is to have perfect chakra control."

"My name is Steve Rogers, sir! I like the proud colors of the Fire Nation flag and I dislike traitors and war criminals. My hobby is drawing and my dream for the future is to see the world at peace."

"A patriot." Kakashi was stunned. He knew the phenomenon from his missions to distant countries with different political systems. "How can there be a patriot in a feudal nation?"

* * *

"My name is Clark Kent. I like good people and apple pie and I dislike injustice and lies. My hobby is collecting rumors and finding the true story behind them. My dream is that one day all people can live without fear."

"My name is Diana Prince. I like fighting for good causes. I dislike those that see kunoichi as second class shinobi and my dream is to prove them wrong. My hobby is mythology."

"My name is Bruce Wayne. I like good tools and I dislike murderers. I don't have any hobbies if you don't count training. My dream is to stop all criminals."

"A farm kid, a feminist and a fanatic. Those three will never be able to work together." He thought resignedly.

* * *

"My name is Bond, James Bond. I like Martinis, shaken not stirred, and beautiful women. I dislike being disturbed when I am with beautiful women and my hobby is testing the newest ninja tools with extreme prejudice. My dream for the future is to become more famous than my godfather the ornithologist."

"I like sword-play and I dislike water. My hobby is fencing left-handed and my dream for the future is to find a certain man with six fingers on his right hand, walk up to him and say: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!"

"Where is the third member of yor team?" Kakashi asked in his bored voice.

"Carmen?" James asked. "She is usually hanging around somewhere, staying out of sight."

"Indeed." Inigo added. "She also likes to steal, so you should mind your things." He picked up a note that was lying at his side. "Ah, she left a clue. 'To find your naughty book, search the rulers in rock.' Sounds like Ms. Sandiego is hiding her loot on the Hokage monument again."

Meanwhile, Kakashi frantically checked his pockets. "My Icha Icha!"

* * *

Before you have to ask: Crossovers with:

1. Harry Potter

2. Star Wars

3. Neon Genesis Evangelion

4. Ranma 1/2

5. Death Note

6. Bleach

7. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

8. Red Dwarf

9. Marvel Comics - Spider-Man, Wolverine, She-Hulk

10. Marvel Comics – Iron Man, Scarlet Witch, Captain America

11. DC Comics – Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman (The Trinity)

12. James Bond, Princess Bride, Where is Carmen Sandiego


End file.
